


Thinking

by Sandnose



Series: Drown in the Ashes AU [1]
Category: DCU (Comics), Heroes in Crisis (DCU Comics), Red Hood and the Outlaws (Comics), Red Hood/Arsenal (Comics)
Genre: Addiction, Angst, Jason's holding out hope that it might work this time, M/M, Rehab, Roy's just trying to get help, Wally's just trying to be a good friend, but I'm rewriting that, we all know how this really ends
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-27
Updated: 2019-11-27
Packaged: 2021-02-18 15:57:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,241
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21580195
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sandnose/pseuds/Sandnose
Summary: He actually had been standing there for quite some time.Thinking.Just…thinking.He stopped thinking.He couldn’t think about that.He just— not right now…---This is a Prologue for a series of fics all taking place in my Drown in the Ashes AU, which is a fix-it fic AU following the events of Heroes in Crisis. This fic can be read as a stand-alone though!
Relationships: Roy Harper/Jason Todd
Series: Drown in the Ashes AU [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1555258
Kudos: 41





	Thinking

“This is for your own good, Roy.” he told himself as he stood a few feet away from the front porch. 

And yet he still could not make those last couple of steps further. His feet felt like they were about ankle deep in cement, and it had long since dried. Granted, he actually had been standing there for quite some time.

Thinking.

Just…thinking.

He honestly could not remember how long he had been planted in that spot, but that did little to distract him from his thinking. Neither did the possibility of anyone seeing or recognizing him – but, really, when had Roy ever wasted a precious brain cell on such a thing. Especially when there was important thinking to be done. 

Like thinking about who he is.  
Like thinking about Jason.  
Like thinking about what he had done.  
Like thinking about Jason.  
Like thinking about where he was headed.  
Like thinking about Ja—

He stopped thinking.

He couldn’t think about that.

He just— not right now…

“This is for your own good, Roy.” He kept trying to make those words sound like they were his own, but they were only borrowed.

Jason had suggested they take a break, and Roy had lost count of how many times this had happened between them. It was the nature of their relationship: they would always be _together_ , but they both found that they would just need some time apart, yet they could never stand to be alone for too long. 

But those breaks were never made lightly, because if they ended up being away from each other for too long _bad things_ would happen. Roy knew this fact all too well, mainly because half of the time he would wind up in rehab.

Just like now.

Roy had long since lost track of how many times he had been in-and-out of rehab programs all over the world, but he had always taken comfort in knowing that Jason was waiting for him on the other side.

Most of the time, it would go a little something like this: Things would be fine between them, Roy would be sober and Jason would be content with their work. Until he wasn’t. Then Jason would relapse into his own traumas and start to back away to isolate himself, and Roy could not stop him. He would not stop him. And then when left to his own devices Roy too would fall back on old habits in the hope of finding comfort, to fill the Jason-shaped void in his life for a little while. Roy would be in pain, so he would do the only things he knew to ease it. Then, if he was lucky, Jason would find him in rehab. If he was not so lucky…

Roy physically shook his head at the thought to dislodge it before his mind could dredge up those memories. It was times like that that serve to motivate him to ‘get better’, even if only for a little while longer.

* * *

“It’ll be different this time, babe.” he had told Jason as the other was packing a duffle bag, concentrating so hard on his task that he would not meet his partner’s eyes. “This _place_ is different. It’s meant for heroes, to help heroes with…you know, hero stuff. The kind of shit that only heroes experience and only other heroes can understand.” This made Todd’s hand halt, if only for a heartbeat.

“They call it Sanctuary. The Justice League created it to help Supes with trauma.” Roy let out a dry huff of a laugh, “Wouldn’t be surprised if the League really made it for themselves.”

He did not miss the way Jason’s head and shoulders dropped with the heavy sigh he let out. Roy came closer, gently placing his work-worn hands on Jason’s trim waist and drawing his body up to his other. Jason leaned back into his partner’s touch as Roy’s forehead connected the back of his.

He could feel Roy’s lips fluttering over the nape of his neck as he murmured softly to him. “I really think that this will work. Things are gonna change, Jaybird.” _‘Cause I don’t know what to do if it doesn’t._ went unsaid, mainly because Roy was too scared that giving those words life would set the outcome in stone.

Jason had his own harrowing thoughts, but he actively made them pass on without giving them a second thought. He had nothing but hope and support for his partner, but he also had, over time, learned better than to hold out said hope for too long.

“Then I trust you, Roy.” he whispered back in a way so gentle no one else would believe Jason Todd – the infamous Red Hood – had uttered them. Even Roy felt freshly vulnerable by the words of his partner and found himself slowly collapsing into the embrace of the other.

Neither wanted to pull away – not when such simple affection left them feeling so whole, even if only for a moment – but Jason had to finish packing and Roy should probably start doing the same.

Roy was the first to move, taking a small step back and stopping to have one last long look at Jason. They held each other’s gaze for a bit longer before Roy stepped back towards Jason and locked lips with him. When he pulled away slowly, Roy did not open his eyes – trying so desperately to hold on to the memory.

“I love you.” Roy said with the reverence of one saying a prayer.

Jason said nothing in return, but Roy knew that that was his partner’s own unique way of returning the sentiment.

Jason’s callused hand came up to softly cup his partner’s stubbled cheek after Roy made no move to leave. The older man took the hint and turned away. 

His legs wanted to fight against his decision, but – for once – Roy let his head take the lead. There was no time to think about what was happening, and Roy did not dare to let himself look back. There was no time to weigh either of them down with regrets.

Roy knew he was going to think back on things at some point anyway.

* * *

And that is exactly what was happening right now.

With his feet planted firmly on the ground, Roy’s mind was racing.

“Hey, Roy? Is that you, buddy?” A familiar voice broke through his trance-like state.

He blinked distant green eyes a few times to bring himself back into the present, and a human form on the front porch started to come into focus for him.

“Oh. Hey Wally! Didn’t think I’d be seeing you here.” Roy greeted him with a smile.

“Well, it’s superhero rehab, so I figured it was only a matter of time before you showed up.” The jibe was made in jest, but Roy overdramatically acted like it stung.

“Be glad I didn’t bring my bow along, you crazy Speedster.” he chuckled.

“Come up to the house, I’ll give you the grand tour.” Wally offered with a smile that held a welcoming warmth that called to Roy.

He still had a lot of things he wanted to think about – namely Jason – but he knew he could not just stand out on the stoop forever.

 _I can think about all of that later._ he told himself as he took those last few steps to join the other.

_I’ve got nothing but time, anyway._

**Author's Note:**

> This AU is still currently in the works, with most of the plot unfinished (I have some major points I want to hit, but everything in between is just kind of up in the air right now). So, if anyone has any ideas of what they would like to see -- seeing as this is a fix-it fic, really anything could happen! -- please feel free to share them with me. They will be appreciated!
> 
> If you want to see more of my Roy Harper/Jayroy Headcanons, fanworks, send an ask, or just hang out, please come visit me over on Tumblr [@ya-boy-roy-toy](https://ya-boy-roy-toy.tumblr.com/) or come join my Discord [JayRoy Creatives](https://discord.gg/sdPYcGVmbm)


End file.
